Seneca on judging a friend before you trust them. From Letters from a Stoic by Seneca, about 62 to 65 AD.
Soon after Seneca left Nero’s court in 62 AD, a letter came from his friend Lucilius, a Roman official in Sicily. A man Lucilius called his friend had carried it.
In the very next line, Lucilius warned Seneca not to tell this friend everything.
Seneca wrote back. In one letter, he said, you have called the man a friend and then taken it back.
Soon after leaving Nero’s court, Seneca heard from Lucilius, who sent a letter by a man he called a friend, then warned Seneca not to tell him everything. Seneca’s answer, after Theophrastus: judge a person before you make them a friend, then trust them as you trust yourself. He did that with Lucilius, sharing even his illness and his faults.
Take your time letting someone in, then let them all the way in. Practical advice: before you share something private with someone new, watch how they keep other people’s secrets.
Well established · checked against 9 sourcesTell one long-proven friend something you have been holding back.
“I tell new people too much, too fast, and then I get hurt. How do I slow down?”
Choose Slowly, Then Trust and the other 11 ideas of Letters from a Stoic, a minute at a time.
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